I’ve got a new best friend, but where did the others go?
Although the main draw of beginning my own blog was to become a part of the online community, another real bonus for me is the anonymity.
For the moment at least, I can hide behind an avatar and the moniker L Plates Dad. It gives me the freedom to discuss aspects of my everyday life without those involved being able to read it. This may only be my second post, but I know had I shared my opening piece on my personal social network accounts, it would have been reached a far larger audience.
I knew from the moment that I met him that my son and I would always be friends. As four months have passed, I’ve been amazed by each passing day, fascinated with how he learns things and telling people that, despite it being one of the oldest cliches in the book, he really is growing up so fast.
But while I’ve gained a friend in this wonderful little man, I seem to have misplaced all of my others.
I’ve worked a lived in a number of different places and countries in recent years, meaning that I’ve gained quite a few new friends along the way – though I’ve now found a home for my new family.
I always thought the group of friends that I have now were, what I would call, good friends. That is until my partner left work to go on maternity leave.
All of a sudden, all of these people that I shared weekends with at the pub or watching football with became strangers. I found myself getting angry that, in the time that she took off to prepare for the arrival of our little man, only one of them ever called round to see how she was doing, once. There were no texts, no phone calls, no emails, nothing.
Since our baby boy arrived, nothing has changed. It’s become clear that the people I thought of as friends were actually nothing more than colleagues and drinking buddies. And that’s quite sad really.
I’m not ignorant enough to think that this has nothing to do with me. Admittedly yes, now, rather than spend a generic Friday night on the town and drinking myself blind I’d rather stay in with my little lad. I can accept that, though I won’t apologise for it.
It does mean though, that my partner and I have become our own, exclusive social circle, and while lonely is certainly not a term I would use to describe our situation, isolated may well sum it up.
What the whole situation has taught me is that dear friends mean the world. Again, it may seem cliched but our oldest and nearest friends have found the time to visit, despite us living in a different country to them, and if I could thank them now without revealing my identity I would.
We are starting to take part in more and more activities in the hope of meeting like-minded people. My little man’s mum takes him to a group at the library during the week, while we both take him to swimming lessons at the weekend.
I’m interested to hear from any parents who may have had a similar experience to this. Did you feel cut off when your child arrived? How did you make new friends? And what are the best baby-friendly activities to do so?
At the end of the day, if I don’t make new friends, I’ll still be the happiest guy in the world. My two best friends are always there waiting for me when I get home from work, and that will always be enough for me. It would just sometimes be nice to talk to other people in the same boat as us.
You’re not alone! I remember that feeling well when my first was born 20 years ago. A couple of friends were brilliant but by and large the rest couldn’t understand that my life had totally changed and with it my priorities. Don’t worry though, you will make new friends very quickly and, like me, will find some who stand by you and your baby through thick and thin.
Baby and toddler groups are probably the best as you actually get the chance to talk to other parents. Good luck!
I’ll be honest. Even though I was never one to go out much anyway, since our daughter arrived it has gone even less. I’m lucky if I have a drink once every six month these days. It doesn’t help that I moved away from my childhood area to a place where people keep themselves to themselves. Its not long ( a few years ) till she can be left in the house by herself so I’m looking forward to that. Me and the boss very rarely get a night out together these days.
It does get better, well more you get used to it. I did it 10 years ago to friends that had kids, I just didn’t have the same priorities and couldn’t relate. Now that I’m a father (17 month old) I have good friends that I haven’t seen in, well 17 months. It’s not them as much as it’s me not having the time or desire to do what we did, drink late a bars. If you miss them reach out to them to do the same things you used to do with them, not come hang out with your new family.
My wife became very active in Mommy social groups and drop ins this led us to meet people in our area with children of a similar age that are going through what we are. At this stage of our life we socialize more with them than anyone. Meetup.com is a good place to start. Once the little one starts daycare that’s a good way to meet people too. Other parents are in the same boat as you, you’re not alone. If invited to a play date, go.
Most importantly spend as much time with your child as you can, don’t piss it away doing things that aren’t actually important to you to keep “friends”.
Jason
laidbackdad.com